Gay cabbage

The gay cabbage is a secondary character in the r/gocommitdie subreddit, he is known to be dangerous and not to be allowed near anybody ever, but despite this unfavorable title, he tries to live his life just like everybody else, seeing his crimes against humanity as a "minor slip-up"

as of october 16, 2020, his body count is assumed to be 1,300

ABOUT
It all started with his first form, a basic noob, he wanted to be popular just like his peers, but he was too weak, so he had one plan, and one plan only, he was told that if he wanted to grow stronger, he would need to collect souls from other players, and ROBLOX high school was just across the street, and his sniper was right there...



After a night of casual killings, the gods have blessed him, with a new rank, the "pharoh of robloxia", the gods were impressed with all the souls he had collected, 800 in a day, nothing like that has ever been done before, so the gift had to be special.

with his newfound power, he could hold the entire region of robloxia with an iron fist, to which he did, and he enjoyed every second of it, but something was about to change very soon.

After a night of humping his favorite Kanna body pillow, something unexpected happened, a major fall in the economy, he lost his rank and lived in exile for a week, until he found a hat in the dumpster, it looked like a rotten cabbage, he was going to use it for certain purposes but he decided to put it on his head first, and it fit like a glove, and after a few drinks at a local bar, he was reborn, now with another chance in life, and he took that chance and turned to evil, leading to several crime sprees and going out to get job applications the next day.

PAST NAMES:

 * Noob
 * Pharoh

FAMILY/EARLY LIFE
Gay cabbage grew up in a rather awful household, being born in the church of cthulhu, he was able to die and feel pain, but never permantely, he had to live with whatever pain his parents or friends dished out to him, never got a break. He was forced into child labor at the age of 7 due to his family's poverty as his father would spend their money on ketamine, competely avoiding any and all responsibility. However his mother treated him very well, the best she could anyway, but one night, she was arguing with her husband as usual, presumed to be about her hiding his ketamine, and he punched "just a little too hard" and she ended up dying from her injuries. Gay cabbage continued to live in the house for 10 more years, until one day, he had enough, after his father threw yet another fit about his ketamine, he was about to punch, but gay cabbage grabbed him by the hand and threw him across the room and into the wall, and because of the poor state of the cheap house they lived in, the wall fell into him, killing him instantly. He felt a tingle in his body, a sense of euphoria, that felt really fucking good, he wanted to keep feeling what he was feeling, and the only way to do that, was to kill, but where was he gonna go? He didn't know, but he knew to grab the guns in his father's room, he was gonna need them.

CRIMES COMMITTED
Gay cabbage has commited numerous felonies throughout his life, such as the following
 * Domestic violence: beat his wife nearly to death to show viewers the best domestic abuse methods.
 * grand theft auto: stole a cop car twice on a quest for reddit karma.
 * vehicular manslaughter: crashes a stolen cop car into a bridge, killing 31 people in the process
 * child molestation: committed sexual acts on a young japanese girl in the misguided belief that she was the character "Kanna" from the popular anime "Miss Kobayashi's dragon maid"
 * prostitution: sold his body to large men after being kicked out of his house
 * conspiracy of murder: planned to drown players in the popular game "Adopt me!" it is unknown if he followed through
 * public indencency: jerked off in club iris in front of a large crowd
 * murder: drowned a young player in a attempt to get "internet points", shot up ROBLOX high school to collect the souls of the players

Jobs
Despite Gay cabbage's interesting history, he has successfully managed to get two jobs, a cashier at a unknown pizza place, and a IRS officer, which is his current job. It is unknown where his current workplace is located.

it is also rumored that he worked as a hitman as a teenager, but this cannot be confirmed, as the hair and skin color are the only similarity, and gay cabbage has never confessed.

TRIVIA

 * gay cabbage has been to prison at least 3 times
 * his favorite drink is bloxy cola
 * he hopes to one day rid roblox of cringe
 * being born in the church of Cthulhu, gay cabbage is completely indestructible, if you kill him, he'll come back and make sure you suffer
 * he has a fear of "redditors"
 * the gorilla sex channel is his favorite

"I am going to fuck your dad"